The Random Papers
by it walks alone
Summary: This is what happens when me and my friends get together for lunch. This is what makes up our disclaimers. Stuff that you haven't seen and stuff that you probably won't. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

it walks alone: Hey! What you are about to read is what we call the 'Random Papers'. It's where our disclaimers come from. Everything is true.

BritKit: True and hilarious. Also, some people come and go, and you'll meet some people who haven't made it into our disclaimers yet. You will also find some of this familiar, as we have already used it in our disclaimers.

IWA: Yup. And we might use some of this in future disclaimers.

BK: Okay, pennames are as follows:

IWA: it walks alone

BK: BritKit

SKM: SailorKMoonie

M: Mordecai

FC: freakinCRAZY

FTW: flyonthewall

Mars: Mars

IG: I'm Good

IDNR: InDesperateNeedofRitalin

MM: MotorMouth (although I don't think he shows up in anything we've got down yet.)

PF: Pink Floyd

VGM: VideoGameMaster

IWA: (blinks at the list) …That's a lot of people. And yes, PF is obsessed with Pink Floyd, which we don't own.

BK: This spans a few years, people. Just an FYI.

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M: Hey, it's a Care Bear! I have a lot of Care Bears…

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M: How do I Internet?

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IWA: The key to controlling men is a Frying Pan.

FC: Or… a Rolling Pin.

BK: Oh! A Wrench!

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M: Y'know, there's no time in space? Geometrically speaking, there's no timeframe based on the sun.

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FC: What's FMA?

M: It's a proclamation that every word with a 'th' must be pronounced with an 'f'. Like 'Earf'!

M: You can't be on the sun. You'd die.

FC: Really? I gotta try that! I'm gonna by a one-way ticket to the Sun 'cause I won't be coming back!

M: They're probably selling it on eBay…

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M: What does FH sound like?

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FTW: I have Dum-Dums!

FC: W'll, duh.

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FC: (about the Dum-Dums) My rootbeer!

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FTW: (about the Dum-Dum wrappers) We can make hats!

FC: Ah-freakin-flack!!!

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M: Grammar me has not today.

FC: What!?

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IWA: Whoopde freakin' wee-hah.

BK: How do you spell that?

IWA: Whoopde space freakin' space wee dash hah.

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M: The Internets are coming to town.

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M: Nee-i-ee-i-oh.

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M: Scandinavian monkeys!

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M: AOL is actually a virus.

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M: Do you know how I spell pi? P-I-Y! I like pie… 3.1415926565!

IWA: …89793.

M: (slams fist on table) Darn it!

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FC: Not working my brain is not!

M: Working my brain not is.

IWA: And I don't own Yoda, either.

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FC: Quarters multiply? I thought only rabbits did that…

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FC: No! _My_ Lime Green EXPO Marker!

IWA: Maowie.

FC: Mine!

IWA: Maowie.

FC: Mine!

FTW: You know she's saying Maowie, right? Do you really think IWA'd use real words?

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M: Grammar no me not today…

FTW: Your grandma doesn't know you?

IWA: Grammar me _has_ not today. You forgot the 'has'. You're talking in caveman again.

M: Darn verbs and their missingness!

IWA: (sigh) Typical Mordecai…

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M: What does zh sound like? I mean you can't even fathom it!

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FTW: R-s-8-p-b-e-r-r-i-e. Raspberry!

FC: I think spelling "raspberry' is a little hard for Friend #2 over here…

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FTW: The Philliad!

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M: My hair is non-coherent.

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M: You know we have the Monday off after break?

BK: Whoopde freakin' wee-hah.

IWA: Hey! That's my line!

FC: (too hyper to care)

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IWA: I have a scar on my elbow… from my bed!

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M: (shocked look) I forgot that Target sells kosher Pepsi! They use the kosher sugar in it!

BK: (walks in at the end) Wait… what!?!?

M: People sell it on eBay!

BK: They sell everything on eBay…

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FC: (after many tries and failures…) (belch) Ahh… Finally!!! I feel _so_ much better!

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M: You know you've been in Chem to long when you start thinking about the percent composition of that crumb. (points to crumb)

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M: Do you have chemistry?

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M: A sign says 'No Parking' in a parking lot.

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IWA: Ow! I just stabbed myself in the neck with my pencil…

FTW: That's not good If you're not careful, it'll go right through ya. Just like beer.

IWA: (stares) And… you'd know from experience?

FTW: Eww! Of course not! (shifty eyes)

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FTW: (blows on standing up water bottle) Watch the water bottle hump the table! I should know, I've tried it before.

FC: (wide eyes)

FTW: I meant the water bottle!!! …Look, it can flip then hump the table! (flips bottle)

FC: (bounces with bottle)

FTW: Thanks for the demonstration! …It hurts when I hit against my teeth.

IWA: Duh!

FTW: It vibrates my whole face!

BK: … (silence) …

FC: Ooookay then… (goes back to munching on cookies)

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M: I don't have cable evil.

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M: (reading Bible) What kind of name is Mahalalel?

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BK: You will _not_ get high off my hand lotion!

M: No, I was gonna eat it.

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FC: Every time I look at this water, I think I'll get it, but I get strawberry! (funny face) Woot woot!

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M: (puts Origami paper package in mouth) Tastes like Eww…

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FC: Wow. … Wow.

FTW: What?

FC: Nothing.

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M: Don't eat tinfoil! (slams head on table)

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M: I'm sick of numbers! There's too many of them and stuff.

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IWA: Wheeeeeeeeeeee splat.

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(IWA: Just an FYI, FC handed this to me. I don't think it actually happened.)

FC: (gets on table and starts cancaning) Can… can you do the cancan? Can you do the cancan can you do the can-cancancancancancancan (repeats) (to cancan theme)

M: No, I can't.

FC: (sees everyone staring at her, turns red, and jumps under table)

Others: (clapping (except IWA)

FC: (pops up) Thank you, I'm here every Monday and Wednesday!

IWA: Well, that was new. (goes back to scribbling)

(IWA: Thank you for listening.)

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FC: I don't know Spanish! Yo no comprendo Español!

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FTW: Give me back my pen! I need to itch my nose.

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FTW: Math homework makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

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FTW: The ceiling is pencil?

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FC: Waka waka… (howls like a wolf)

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A girl walking by: I hate you. I fucking hate you!

M: (cheerfully) OK!

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FTW: Look at the walkie-talkie sign!

FC: It looks like a calculator.

IWA: With a pen as an antenna.

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FTW: Flunking monkey, grunking monkey, drunking monkey, etc.

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BK: Graciás!

FC: You mean grassy ass!

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M: 3 giga hertz equals 3 freaking billion hertz!

BK: What's a hertz?

M: Exactly!

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M: (about hertz) It's like 'ferrets' without the 'ferret'.

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M: 2 + 2 on earth equals 2… er… 4.

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M: I can't think while I eat. I can't multitagst.

IWA: Multitagst?

M: Exactly!

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M: (Grabs cookie wrapper) How deadly is this thing? Oh, man…

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BK: (to IWA) It's getting easier to write Envy. It's a bit like writing you.

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VGM: Was that a laugh, a hiccup, or a cough?

IWA: A laugh.

M: A little bit of all of both.

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M: Fingle dingle dingle do. The end.

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M: Ya know, they call them fingers, but I've never seen them fing.

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M: I'm so damn confused – woah!! I swore!

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M: Chival rolls! The new (and improved) spring roll!

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M: I. Smell. A. Vegetable. (notices tiny piece of lettuce left over from lunch) Oh. It might be that.

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	2. Chapter 2

IWA: Random Papers installment number 2!

BK: Just a reminder, pennames are as follows:

IWA: it walks alone

BK: BritKit

SKM: SailorKMoonie

M: Mordecai

FC: freakinCRAZY

FTW: flyonthewall

Mars: Mars

IG: I'm Good

IDNR: InDesperateNeedofRitalin

MM: MotorMouth (although I don't think he shows up in anything we've got down yet.)

PF: Pink Floyd

VGM: VideoGameMaster

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M: Jesus is like 10 leprechauns, but he's a lot harder to catch.

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FC: (BELCH) (quietly) Excuse me!

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FTW: Wanna do my homework for me?

M: No, I've got a friend!

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IWA: (talking to BK)

M: Is that ice cream... strawberry?

IWA: Yes. (goes back to other conversation)

M: Okay. ... It was in my granola bar, a strawberry!

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M: There's no fruit in fruit punch... it got punched.

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M: My fro's name is Delroy.

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M: It bounces, it's metal.

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FC: (yawn) I'm boooooorrred!!! Somebody hit me!

BK & FTW: (hits FC)

FC: Well, I didn't expect you to actually _hit me_!!!

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M: Is there anything cheese _can't_ do? My sister is lacktoast-intollegent... intelligent... whatever.

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FTW: You know you're in America when you base similes on food.

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M: Usually when things hurt, you do them again! It pisses me _so_ much!

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M: So what about that pep-rally on Friday? We supposedly have to bring pep.

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M: I smell fire... I think we should all run...

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BK: How do you spell colonel?

FTW: Colon-al.

IWA: Colon-el.

M: Drink your colon-ale, it'll get you drunk.

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M: Hurricane. Force winds.

IWA: Wehehehehehehehehehehehe!

M: Back to the news!

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M: You'd think fish would taste better, but they don't.

IWA: I hate fish.

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FTW: We're such retards!

FC: (goes for high-5) Go us!

FTW: (fart sound while laughing) My lungs!

FC: (belch)

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M: Mmm, carrots.

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M: (sings) Electrical tape, electrical tape!

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M: Why are chipmunks brown? Why aren't they, like, purple or something?

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IWA: (scribble scribble)

FC: (sneaks up behind IWA) (pokes IWA in the side)

IWA: Yaaah!

FC: (runs away)

IWA: (leaps up) (runs after FC) (downward hammerfists FC) I swear, the next time you do that, I WILL hit you... (mutters)

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IWA: (choking)

FC: Don't die!

IWA: Air has bones!

FTW: Hairless bones?

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FC: PACE OUT DUDE!

All others: (silence)

FC: Translation: peace out dude! ...Duh!

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IWA: Are you ignoring me? Or are you deaf?

M: I'm deaf and annoying.

IWA: ANNOYING? When did I say that?!

M: (smacks head) IGNORING! I meant IGNORING! GAAAHH!!

IWA: You were ignoring me?

M: And I'm deaf.

IWA: ...No comment.

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M: (as, "I was only suggesting") I was only ingesting...

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FTW: No, I can't. I'm doing homework.

IWA: Like doing homework's ever stopped you before?

BK: (looks up from across the table) She said 'homework'? I thought she said 'laundry'.

IWA: ...??? How could you get 'laundry' from 'homework'?

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IWA: Mr. Wing got a pizza...

FTW: Mr. Wing IS a pizza.

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M: There are many similarities between fruitcake and Santa. Santa _has_ reindeer. Fruitcake probably _contains_ reindeer. Both touch the hearts of millions, but fruitcake also touches your arteries and your colon. They both can clog your chimney. Both can kill small children: Santa with a submachine gun; fruitcake with a little boxilism. Or mold.

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M: And then I die.

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FC: What's the definition of 'sarcasm'? ...Woah!! _That_ was really random!

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FC: Can somebody shoot me, take off my head, ring out all the gunk from being sick, put it back on, and bring me back to life?

Others: (silence)

FC: Never mind, then...

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FC: NOOOO! FTW is gone now... she switched gym classes.

M: No, she switched to the dark side!

IWA: Don't worry, she brought a flashlight!

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M: How 'bout you and your friends versus me and the revolution?

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FC: (pokes IWA)

IWA: Aaagh! Don't _do_ that! (picks up hardcover _The Darwin Awards II_) This IS a hard book, you know.

FC: I have a hard head.

BK: (picks up larger hardcover book) This is a _harder_ book!

FC: (raises eyebrow) (cocks head)

M: This is my hand! It's weird...

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BK: (to IWA) Just so you know, 'ednal' stands for 'Ed and Al'.

IWA: Ednal?

M: Is that anything like eggnog?

BK: It's just easier, okay?

FC: (contemplating Mountain Dew bottle) (looks up) Huh? Eggnog where?

BK: No eggnog.

FC: Oh. (goes back to contemplating Mountain Dew bottle)

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IWA: (sings) Peter Piper pii-ked a peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pee-ppers Peter Pii-per, Peter Pii-per, Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers that he picked.

All: (silence)

BK: What??

IWA: 'Peter Piper's Fugue.' I'm playing along with it in the concert tonight.

BK: o.O (stares) ...I'll go back to reading now.

M: o.o How can you sing that that fast?

IWA: Practice, Mordecai, Practice.

FC: Aaah! Too many 'p's!

IWA: o.o Really?

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IWA: BritKit, I am in desperate need of plot.

BK: I only have a couple more pages!

(silence)

(a few minutes later)

BK: Done! Now, what did you need?

IWA: Plot!

BK: Oh right!

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BK: Maternal instincts. She has to serve her guests coffee and tea.

FC: ...Do I want to know...?

IWA: Not really.

FC: Oh. (puts head back down, chin on binder) I hate tea and coffee. I'm screwed.

BK & IWA: Then she'd serve you water.

FC: That works! (chipper)

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IWA: Penguins have taken over the nine tenths of your brain you don't use.

BK: That's fine. As long ast they don't bother me, I don't care.

(pause)

FC: (looks up from playing with pen) Huh? What'd I miss?

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IWA: I am writing, therefore I cannot hear.

BK: (starts conducting random marching band that appears out of nowhere)

Band: (plays really annoying song)

IWA: I didn't mean it literally!

BK: Oh. Darn. (stops conducting)

Band: (disappears)

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M: There's a piece of broccoli in the middle of the room!

IWA: O.O There is...

M: It's been there for weeks! No one notices the broccoli!

IWA: o.O (stares at broccoli)

M: And it's _upside down_!


End file.
